Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the day after is always just damage control
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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