my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
