This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
