I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
