I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
