Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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