he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
