can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
