I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
