If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
