Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
