My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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