I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
