I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
