No stitches, just platelets and will power
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
