Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
