I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
