Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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