u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
