I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
