Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
