Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
