Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex on a dog bed..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
