The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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