Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
