I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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