so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
