It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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