I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
