Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
