Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
