Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
