omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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