He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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