I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
