everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
foreskin is a definite game changer
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
