omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
