It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
