woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
