DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
