Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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