I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
