I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
