Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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