Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
