Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
