I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
