i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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