Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
