god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
