She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
