I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
