he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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