Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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