I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
